Chicago Mayoral Pick'em Poll

In the past it was vote early, vote often. The other day it was stay home, don't vote. Now it's back to vote early, vote often. Whichever method works best, who is your choice for Mayor of Chicago?

You may be surprised to learn that no candidate has ever asked for our support or endorsement, not even an ad placement. They’re obviously all jackass-ists… or is it jackass-a-phobic? We in turn have never supported or endorsed a candidate for any office, although we certainly like to make fun of them.

That said, who gets your vote(s) for Mayor of Chicago?

Polling note: Substack’s polls only allow for five selections, therefore we only included the frontrunners (and Bozo). If your choice isn’t presented here, leave it in the comments below.

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How This Circus Works

At least the Grand Prize Game affords one the opportunity to win a new Schwinn bicycle and brand new, crisp $100 bill! Elections allow for getting your Schwinn stolen and robbed of your $100.

So how does this circus go about choosing new clowns? The nine candidates running for mayor (and all aldercreatures as well) face off in the general election on February 28th. If no candidate receives more than 50% of the vote, a runoff election between the top two finishers will take place on April 4th. Inauguration Day on May 15th. The wheels come off shortly thereafter.

This “nonpartisan” format was instituted in 1999. Only two elections since then have required a runoff, 2015 with Rahm vs Chuy and 2019 with Lori vs Tony! Toni! Toné!

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Prediction

Election politics is not our thing and we honestly have no clue how this is going to turn out. However, we’re going to bet that Lori will miss bucket number one, end up in fourth and go home with a package of Archway Cookies. Chicago is simply sick of her shit.

No one will break the 50% threshold and therefore the runoff will be between Chuy and Vallas with Vallas winning in April and moving into the 5th floor at City Hall in May.

Wait… what? Weren’t we just told to stay home, don’t vote? Maybe mail-in ballots allow for stay home, vote often?

If our prediction of Lori not making the runoff holds true, that’ll be another first she can add to her resume.

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Stay Home, Don’t Vote

If things go as expected on Tuesday, this may be the last Lightfoot-inspired T-shirt.

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If you’ve made it this far, thanks for reading. Our goal is to push out one long form post a week in addition to our regular stats focused posts. Thanks and remember “We don't want nobody nobody sent”.