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What's Next?

Now that the issue of who will succeed Lori has been settled, what’s next for Chicago under Lightfoot v2.0.

HeyJackass!
Apr 5, 2023
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What's Next?

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In short, we’re going to get what we deserve (likely good and hard). Here’s what we see as likely for Chicago under a Lightfoot v2.0 administration:

  • “Crime is down” will still be the phrase that pays but no one will believe it because crime will be anything other than down. Having a more pro-crime mayor to go with a pro-crime judiciary and a largely pro-crime city council, crime will stay at the current levels and may even tick up a bit depending on how the SAFE-T Act lawsuits play out. Look for criminals to solidify their victim status as the next class of the perpetually aggrieved which in turn will give them more license to do whatever they please because of some convoluted ist-a-phobe reasoning.

  • The police department will continue to be demonized and blamed for everything. Cops that were thinking about sticking around because of Vallas will look to transfer elsewhere if and when the opportunities present themselves. The CPD will continue to shrink through attrition (a sort of soft defunding), while those that trickle in will be of lesser quality and skill eventually leading to more bad outcomes with multi-million dollar payouts. The first gangbanger shot by police this summer will be held up as a pillar of the community whose life was cut short by a trigger-happy, racist cop from Mt. Greenwood.

  • Those that were already looking to leave now have another reason to do so. The pace may pick up a bit, but most of the “I’m moving to Canada” types won’t do anything other than complain on Facebook.

  • Financially, Johnson’s proposals are mathematically impossible nor sustainable no matter how many DEI buzzwords and phrases are added to the bills. Raising taxes on a shrinking tax base simply will not work. Expect budget shortfalls, additional corporate departures, bond downgrades and the like.

  • CPS will continue to shrink and schools will get worse, but at least the CTU and associated unions will be fat and happy with their man in charge.

  • After four years of Lightfoot v2.0, Chicago will likely become more like Portland than Detroit where a strange combination of a lower quality of living coupled with swaths of over-priced real estate with some remaining high-end shops and restaurants next to bombed-out neighborhoods will give off a sort of Hunger Games/Gotham City vibe to it all.

  • Finally, we’re going to keep doing what we’ve been doing for the last 10+ years. We’ll likely be as busy or busier which may be good for clicks and views but overall is bad for the city. On a lighter note, there will be no shortage of t-shirt-worthy sayings and events to make fun of. The least we can do is laugh, at ourselves mostly.

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Who Did What Where

Further reinforcing the idea of Lightfoot v2.0, Johnson picked up all of Lori’s precincts while Vallas was able to pick up some of Chuy’s but not enough for 50% +1.

The orange area is a very close match to where our own homicide map shows the most activity.

Other Takes And Views

Here’s an abbrevated summary of what others are saying.

Metaphor alert:

Twitter avatar for @NaderDIssa
Nader Issa @NaderDIssa
Walked out of the election night party and.... this is what's outside
Image
5:07 AM ∙ Apr 5, 2023
829Likes87Retweets

Wirepoints, What Has Chicago Done?

Chicagoans cheered Mayor Lightfoot’s exit. 

Gone was her toxic attitude. Her flippant dismissal of the city’s many crises. Her dismal record on crime. And her destruction of police morale. 

She was an absolute failure by any measure. From the beginning, she was more interested in imposing a progressive vision and an “equity” agenda on Chicago than enacting the many reforms the city needed.

So Chicagoans kicked out Lightfoot. Change was possible. 

But what Chicagoans voted for on April 4 was someone more extreme and exactly opposite of what the city needed. (full article)


A CPD officer’s take that dovetails into one of our points above:

Twitter avatar for @SWSchicago
RDO Enthusiast @SWSchicago
I literally stayed, pending the outcome of the election. Many officers are in the exact same boat. A lot of really good ones already have offers to other departments and are planning to leave, first chance they get.
2:31 PM ∙ Apr 5, 2023
33Likes4Retweets

As usual, The Babylon Bee is dialed into the reality of the situation.

Twitter avatar for @TheBabylonBee
The Babylon Bee @TheBabylonBee
Sick Of Same Old Crime And Violence, Chicago Tries Electing A Democrat This Time
babylonbee.comSick Of Same Old Crime And Violence, Chicago Tries Electing A Democrat This TimeCHICAGO, IL — After a century of electing nothing but Democrats and getting only corruption, death, and poverty in return, Chicago residents have decided to make a change to the status quo by electing a different Democrat this time.
3:56 PM ∙ Apr 5, 2023
2,787Likes458Retweets

And last but not least, the election summarized in three frames.


All Dicks Must Come To An End

Until we get some Brandon-themed merchandise, we’ve knocked $5 off one of our most popular tees of the original Lightfoot v1.0 era.

Buy Crap


Thanks to @Purplehip312 on Twitter for crafting the creative header image.


If you’ve made it this far, thanks for reading. Our goal is to push out one long form post a week in addition to our regular stats focused posts. Thanks and remember “We don't want nobody nobody sent”.

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What's Next?

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Mick
Apr 5Liked by HeyJackass!

The Tribune Shat named Pratt said this on twitter:

Gregory Pratt

@royalpratt

Apr 3

To anyone talking about moving out of Chicago because of tomorrow’s election results: I’d be glad to come help you get your PlayStation out of your mom’s basement

What this idiot doesn't get is it's not those people who would be moving out but the actual taxpayers themselves. I paid quite a bit in taxes and hired many people during my time in Chicago but was driven out by crime and taxes - along with my money and those jobs. Clueless idiots like him aren't as big as the main reasons I moved out of Chicago/Illinois but I am glad that hacks like him now have to foot the large tax burden I left behind. I just hope that he gives his future thieves (those in government and those from the streets) his "fair share" when it's his turn in the crime line.

PS -- Maybe there should be a "Hey Jackass!" awards show with nominations for stupidity like his.

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4 replies by HeyJackass! and others
Paul(mine,mine,mine)
Apr 5

Good luck with your new Mayor. Worse than your previous Mayor. Maybe 800+ in 2023.

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