The People's Plan
The Mayor's proposed community safety plan is a meaningless word salad sprinkled with woke buzzwords with a side of gobbledygook dressing.
The Mayor released his “long-awaited”, 800 word, one page public safety plan yesterday dubbed The People’s Plan for Community Safety, comrade. You’d be hard pressed to understand what the plan is supposed to accomplish other than be an example of how to string words together in a meaningless fashion.
The opening paragraph (bolding theirs, not us):
It's the people that make Chicago a place we are proud to call home. And it's the people of this city who can help us build a stronger, safer Chicago.
The People’s Plan for Community Safety is a community-led initiative that unites Chicagoans from all walks of life to address historic disinvestment, work toward healing our communities and make all of Chicago safe for everyone. This work harnesses the full force of government, community organizations, businesses, philanthropy, and more to solve a decades-long problem in a new way.
“Community-led” is code for offloading responsibility from those whose job it is. It means nothing will happen aside from the handful of “activists” and assorted rabble-rousers that’ll game the system to their benefit. In the end, it’ll be all your fault, community, that things are safer.
Read the whole thing here: https://www.chicago.gov/city/en/sites/public-safety-and-violence-reduction/home/PeoplesPlanforCommunitySafety.html
The HeyJackass! Plan
As an alternative to The People’s Plan, comrade, we came up with our own plan using just eight keywords (mobilizing, full spectrum, stakeholders, full force, government, bottom-up, resources, community) and generative AI. It took just seconds to produce nearly the same plan.
Mobilizing full spectrum stakeholders to tackle community issues has been our top priority. We have been working full force to ensure that all the relevant parties are involved in the process of addressing community challenges. The involvement of government at all levels has been crucial in driving the project forward.
We have adopted a bottom-up approach that seeks to utilize the input of the community in identifying the most pressing issues that need to be addressed. This approach has helped us to get a better understanding of the challenges facing the community and the resources that are needed to address them.
Our team has been working tirelessly to engage with stakeholders from all sectors of the community. We have been organizing meetings, workshops, and other events to bring together different groups and individuals to discuss the issues facing the community. Through these engagements, we have been able to identify key resources that can be used to address the challenges facing the community.
The involvement of the community has been critical in driving the project forward. We have been working with community leaders, activists, and other stakeholders to ensure that the community's voice is heard throughout the process. This has helped us to develop solutions that are tailored to the specific needs of the community.
Moving forward, we plan to continue engaging with stakeholders from all sectors of the community. We will also be working closely with government agencies to ensure that we have the necessary support to implement our solutions effectively. We believe that by working together, we can make a significant impact in addressing the challenges facing the community.
In conclusion, the project has made significant progress in mobilizing full spectrum stakeholders to tackle community issues. We have utilized a bottom-up approach that has helped us to identify key resources and engage with the community effectively. We remain committed to working with all stakeholders to develop and implement solutions that will make a positive impact in the community.
So there you have it. Get to work community, we got soccer games y’all.
Cold Weather Chalkie
It’s unlikely you’ll beat Santa at this point, but eventually, winter will arrive, and who better to keep you all warm and toasty than Chalkie. Well, considering Chalkie is usually found at room temperature, maybe not, but you get the idea.
If you’ve made it this far, thanks for reading and remember “We don't want nobody nobody sent”.
Too funny and too truthful.